One question is asked by one of my readers. She is anxious to know which Rewards we could give on their good behavers so that they would be stable.
First thing we should all realise that, kids are complete personality. We cant make them more intelligent, mannered and good as much as Allah made them. Second some moments in the life of all humans are tough so when you feel help less turn to Allah and ask His help.
Rewards could be given for two reasons. To develop good behaviours and to celebrate their success. Let’s see them separately.
Manners and behaviours don’t develop in a few days. It takes years to become a habit. From the womb of the mother to Social interaction, kids may act in different ways and react accordingly. We categorize them in two types of behaviours. In the first category, we may include minor actions that kids adopt for some days and then forget. Scolding someone, laughing/crying without a reason, repeating some words or spitting everywhere, etc. We should not take them seriously. We should ignore these things as much we could do. Some times we may point out to them that this is a bad word or behaviour. Some other behaviours turn into a permanent habit. At this point, we should play our role. Some common habits in kids are
- Talking back
- Breaking the rules
- Stealing things
- Inferiority/priority complex
Now how to control these habits?
First of all these habits comes into kids from people around him and the environment. As soon as you would see your child has started to adopt any unacceptable behaviour. Try to find the root. If someone in the family has an influence on him. Try to take him/her separate from that person. If you have some rules and you don’t want to break them then you must stay stable. Never let them break the rules. Some time punishment and breakouts work more than words. And if this is not possible, then the second remedy always works. Don’t give him advise every time everywhere. Some times kids do repeat things in just stubbornness at that time keep calm and try to ignore them. Let him free for a while and then choose a calm and lonely time. If the child is under 6 then it is easy to discuss before to sleep. And if he/she is up then Waite for the right time. Then praise him/her for his good things. make an emotional bonding with the child and tell him/her you love them. And finally, tell them that you do not expect from them such bad behaviours. They will understand and try to control their behaviours. If they would promise you to do some activities to overcome bad habits…
Hugging, Kissing, Talking.
This is the strongest policy And this is just for parents. Like adults, kids need more appreciations, praise love. Don’t ignore their needs. Hug them make them realize you love them. Buy a sticker book. And give them love stickers at their faces, in their lunch boxes, their clothes, their books, and everywhere.
Good deeds tree.
Make a good deed tree. Shown in the picture. If they beat someone or do any wrong thing. Tell them this was from
Come close to them and ask them to say sorry and recite Astagfirullah. When they do this give them a stick of fruit or star. You can draw fruit on trees from them instead of stickers.
Some emotions and habits would be genetic. They are hard to change. But a little hard work could mould them. So play some games. Cards and other such games could help them.
Make a chart and Write all good behaviours your kids have and some you want to see into them Then before to sleep mark them if they were fulfilled. And if they were unable in behave well. Motivate them to complete that next day.
Journal is very good for personality development. They do catharsis. my kids use their diaries and journals, even during their educational trips. Some times I ask them to write some words about what they like, what they do not like, what they want to do, and what if they would be in any other place or home? Hahaha. Yes even sometimes I ask them which women you like and imagine would be your mother.
Seerah and moral stories are kids’ favourite. It is a big source of giving education as well as converting a good message when any kid would behave badly. Like sometimes my kids do not answer me then I would tell them the story of Prophet SAW that he said. If my mom would be alive and calls me during my Isha Prayer. I will stop prayer and rely on them YES. It is a big deal for kids. Urdu stories For Urdu kids are at ‘Islam for kids’
Give them some responsibility. Like the elder would handle small siblings, ask them to cut some fruits, help in house chores. Then give them some reward for helping you.
Celebrate their success.
Gifts, outing, a light treat, Appreciate cards, even when parents wear new clothes and tell kids, today we are celebrating your special achievement. This would do work like a motivational energizer.
2.Ibada/manners and learning tasks.
If kids learn dua/supplications well but do not apply or they would forget to read them then the better way is that, Make a lap book or some dua wall hangers with beautiful drawing. This work would be a kid’s activity base.
Try to Teach manners and positive effects of that supplication on daily life as well as the reward of remembering that supplication from Allah. Kids will write, learn and remember these things forever. They will feel the happiness of having their own lap book. And wall hanger will decorate their walls as well as remind them to say before doing an action. Like I made two wall hanger for the supplication of using the washroom. Then explained what to do and what to not do inside toiles. I Hanged them outside the door and kids were reciting Regularly before and after using toilets. They remembered supplication well as well as thins wall hanger developed a habit to not forget reciting this supplication. We can do the same for the supplications of eating, drinking sleeping, etc.
If you want your kid will offer prayer on time and don’t miss it. Then prayer schedules and checklist would help them. No one tried this as a monthly based checklist. He tried this in month f, Ramadan. He is punctual in prayers so we designed one box for every day, 1 big sticker was used for fast and five small for five prayers. The second one has his own checklist. He made This checklist on a graph paper. 5 boxes were for five prayers, 1 for reciting Quran and 1 for memorizing Quran. He would tick the offered prayers, tick and yellow mark for late offered and a blank box for missing. And then tick for the Quran.😊
The first one is Doing Hifz. From the first month when there was his first Test I treat him with a 1 dish party as well as a gift of his choice. And then I did it for three months, later after his half Juzz. and when he completed his first para. I celebrated it with full passion. It was more charming than a birthday party. Here is a picture of food I mostly prepare to treat at home.
A healthy activity to complete Tasks of moulding good behaviours or is that of a garden. We named it gratefulness garden. It was a family activity to think of any bless of Allah and say Alhamdolilah for that and plant a Flower. It is made of crafts papers and plays dough. We designed a garden in which we plant a flower daily made of playdough… In one month we would be able to count 30 Blessings of Allah. I know at some points children would get confused about what to count now. But we have so much to say thank you to Allah so remind them of some blessing. The same activities could be done for doing good deeds, say sorry, hugging siblings, Sharing things with other, daily charity, etc. I hope kids will enjoy more when they see the garden full of flowers.
If you want to add your supper tips. Please drop a comment. Leave a comment if you have any other behavioural problems.
Watch video of Some Islamic activities ,like times of prayer, names of prayers, mosque drawings and story crafts to bond them with Allah and Islam. Channel name .‘121Islam for kids’
Ask me If you have any behaviour Issue with your Child.